I was shocked ..
How did he know!
I couldn’t lie more I have to admit it ..
Me: yuba shasawi a7ebbaaa!
Dad wonderingly: minu ohwa?
My eyes started to tear ..
Me: madry madry
I ran to my room ..
My dad followed me ..
Dad: sarah shesaalfa!!
I ignored his sentence ..
Dad: sarah redde 3alay!
Me: yuba walla magdar atkallam al7een mafeeny kalam
Dad: et7ebbeen minu? Jawbeeny khal yerta7 baly
I kissed his forehead and hugged him really tight ..
Me whispered: give me time allah ykhalleek
Dad: galbe mu merta7
Me: ana tarbeetek
He pulled his self from me ..
Dad: la tnameen methayga
I nodded ..
He left my room but I couldn’t stop crying ..
I loved him, I dated him but never thought of my dad, my family, their reaction ou sum3at’hum ..
I regretted the minute I called him ..
I regretted the minute I accepted his invitation ..
I regretted the minute I gave my heart the permission to love him ..
He’s Christian ..
I just realized that our relationship is forbidden ..
I can’t marry him ..
I have to forget him ..
Its easy to love but hard to forget ..
GOD, HELP ME!!!
YARAB TSA3EDNY ANSAAAAHHH ..
YARAB T3EEEENY 3ALA FARGAHH ..
YARAB MA T9EER 9EDFA OU ALGAH!!
One week passed wana 3ala 7a6ety ..
I didn’t have the courage to face my dad ..
I didn’t have the courage to answer Yousif’s calls ..
I didn’t have the courage to tell Dana about what happened ..
I was too weak to face the society ..
My face was filled with tears and my head was filled with thoughts ..
I was lost I didn’t know what to do ..
It’s a restrained love ..
After that bad week I received an SMS from Yousif ..
“9arly sbou3 adeg 3alaich ou 7agratny!! Answer me sarah bettemeen ma3ay ou nshouf 7al wella nenfe9el men al7een??”
My heart skipped a beat ..
Nenfe9el? Musta7eel!! I love youuuu!!! Shloun tgoully nenfe9el!! Don’t you love me??
My heart was yelling ATEM MA3AK ..
And all of a sudden ..
My mom’s voice crossed my mind and yelled even louder ..
“ya bnaytee la etesare3ain fee khayaratech etha e7tertay estekheeray ou rabech yekhtar el afthal 7agech”
It was three years before ..
When I was confused adesh KU wella GUST ..
Fa galatly hal jumla ou stakhart ou dashait GUST ..
I threw my mobile away and prayed stekhara ..
When I finished ..
It was like a magic how I totally changed my mind after a prostration ..
I don’t know how and why but I sent him “lets break up” ..
I was waiting the whole day for his reply but he didn’t ..
I checked my mobile for the last time before sleeping but there was nothing ..
In that moment I realized that I officially lost him ..
And losing him is the right decision because that what Allah wants ..
I smiled, because losing him is kheera and I believe in the kheera thing 3ugub ely 9arly ma3a Jassem ..
Good things would never be counted as “good things” if we didn’t feel the bad things ..
I felt the bad things and I was waiting for the good things to come ..
“Enna ma3a el3usry yusra”
And life goes on ..
Reem: wallah ana kella alame7 lech bs entay ma tefhemeen!
Me: goulay ou khala9!
Reem: ta3allag feech ou mayabe yakhserech that’s why ma kan rathy agoulech
Me: ou 3allagny feeh!
Reem: gally! En9edamt shloun 3a6aiteeh wayh kellesh ma kent metwaq3a
Me: wala ana! Bs yemkin ekoun yally belwagt elmunaseb fa halshay sa3ad
Reem: I’m sorry wallah! Kent dayman agoullah mara7 takhthek e7na elmuslemeen ma nertha eb masee7eyyen!
Me: bs ma fahhamteeh ena 7araam!
Reem: wallah ana tawni adry menech!
Me: 7a9al khair
Reem: shlounech al7een?
Me: el7emdellah 3aysha 7ayatee
Reem: I hope always, mashallah 3alaich qaweya
Me: rabby ba3ad 3ainy ma khallany! Ana men ley ghaira? Khu9ou9an bhal shay ma kent gadra agoul 7g a7ad ghaira!
Reem: oh my god!!!
Reem: trou7eenn you date a guy ou tsaween ashya’ allah ma yerthaha ou trou7een bkel theqa tad3eena? FASHLA!
Me: a9lan Allah y7eb etha sawaina ghala6 ntoub ou nad3eeh! El ensan kha6a2 halshay mu eb eedna bs lazem n7es bghal6atna ou ntoub ou ohwa ra7eem enshallah byaghfer lenaa!
Reem: yaghfer lena? 7atta ana?
Me: haw entay mu ensan? Mu God’s creation? Akeed byaghfer lech a9lan laish esma ghafour etha ma yaghfer!
Her eyes started to tear ..
She came closer to me and hugged me ..
Reem: sarah! You gave me hope!!
I smiled ..
Watha7: ta3alay bait omy sarah al7een
Me: laish shfeeha?
Watha7: omy raddat
I smiled automatically ..
Me: kany yayya
I ran to my car and drove to mama sarah’s house ..
I saw my mom and it was awesome ..
Me: ta3awadtay 3al mufaja’at
Mom: makanat ma7souba wallah!
Me: akhhh ya far7etyyyy
I was hugging her every 5 minutes ..
9ej 9ej 9ej 7asaitny nag9a 7anaaaan!!
Me: Yuma laish ma teyyen baitna nafs last time?
Mom: la bs fashlaa
Me: Yuma mu fashlaaa hatha obo 3yalech ely e7ebech!
Mom: la khalleeny hny a7san! Entay namy hny
Me: la 7aram akhalle obouy brou7a
Mom: eee 9ajja!
I spent the whole day with her men salfa lay salfa jad menzeman 3anhaa ..
One day ..
Kent ray7a chef boutique weya rab3y elhailag we cooked a delicious italian food ..
Ou gabelha kena ray7een al3ab 360 ..
Elmuhem ena I spent the whole day with them ou we had fun ..
At 8:30 I went back home ou jesmy kan msakkar ..
Once I opened the door I saw my parents yes parents menzeman ma gelt’ha ga3deen weya ba3ath ou ysoulfoun ..
I miss that scenery ..
I was looking at them wonderingly ..
Me: elsalamu 3alaikum
They smiled: wa3alaikum esalam