Monday, November 26, 2012

Restrained Love .. Part31"THE END"

My story started 3 years ago ..

When i was in the 12th grade ..

Returning back home from a long school day to notice that old man sitting on his wheel chair in front of his house "bel sekka" ..

That old man inspired me to think of my first story "when will i be yours" ..

Sena kamla wana afakker feeha ou atmanna t9eer musalsal lain qarrart a9eer waqe3eya ou a7e6ha eb blog ..

fee elbedaya ma kan hammy 3adad el readers bs kan hammy ta3jeb kel wa7ed yegraha ..

Fee elbedaya ma kan elwath3 edmaan, kel ma 6ag eb rasy ketabt ou 3ala akher elposts  gemt atshajja3 men comments elnas ou ohma ely khalouny afaker ebb qe9a thanya ou 3ugubha ya el edman ou kamalt'ha ou bedait bthaltha ou rab3a ou khamsa ..

5 qe9a9 khathaw men wagty men tafkeery bs i will never regret writing them ..

Wayed estefadt men elblogging ou wayed ta3araft 3ala nas musta7eel ansahum 9araw rabe3 ou khawat ou akthaar ..

My readers ma ga9artaw ma3ay gemtaw eb wajebkum ou zyada ..

ma tet9aweron shkether your comments twanesny marrat asamme3hum men elwanasaa ..

I have the most amazing readers ever wallahhh ..

Masheft blog teyee comments tyanen nafs maloty wala sheft readers 6aybeen ou na63een kether my readers ..
Its my last story ..

My last post ..

HOW SAD!!!!!

Bs everything has to end ou I think its the time to end this ..


Now enjoy the last post:( ..

and one more thing I LOVE YOU BEAUTIESSSS<33!!

I froze in my thoughts  ..
Good luck in your life? Is that all???
I stared on him for seconds expecting a word from him, from his heart but ..
He grabbed his cup of coffee and started to drink as if he doesn’t care ..
In that moment I realized that I should leave ..
I should move on ..
I left the place while crying from the deepest place in my heart ..
Ok adry ena elfekra fekrety bsss I wasn’t ready yet ..
I hate the fact that I LOVE HIM ..
I entered my car to leave but my hands were too weak to drive ..
I laid my head on the leash and cried my heart out ..
I want him I want him I want him ahhhh I NEEED HIMMMM!!!!!!
Alf marrah gelt lek be3youny la men gelt abe asry 3ay emna3ny tara weddi agathy el3umri ya 3umri ma3ak .. Alf marra gelt lek la gelt magdar ga9dy magdar a7ya ya jaaahel balak ..
I stretched my hand to the screen, pressed his name and called him ..
Yes I called Yousif ..
I know I shouldn’t, but I just did ..
He ignored me at the beginning but he answered later ..
Yousif: alo
Yousif: good luck in your life sarah!!
Yousif: because you took it already!
Yousif: bye sarah!
He closed the line ..
I couldn’t stop crying ..
Until he knocked my window ..
I raised my head immediately to see who’s there ..
I thought it was yousif but ..
……: luw sama7ty mamnou3 to’fy hena
Ughhh ..
I wiped my tears immediately and drove home ..
I was broken ..
I could hear my heart breaking into million pieces ..
That was sad, losing yousif is really sad ..
But, every time I remember “من ترك شيئا لله عوضه الله خيرا منه” I smile ..
Finally, I arrived home ..
Mom and dad: Asfarat ou anwarat ou stahallat ou am6arat
I faked a smile and went to my room ..
They followed me ..
Mom and dad: shfeechhh!
I burst into tears ..
They hugged me and started rubbing my back ..
Mom: shfeech mama wain kentay?
Dad: goulellena fet7eelena galbech
Me: mafeny shay bs a7taj ag3ad brou7y
Mom: shloun nkhalleech brou7ech wenty bhal 7alaa!!
Dad: 7abebty! Khaleteha brou7ha wehy b’aswa’ men hal 7ala!
Dad: ma3alaih nkhaleech brou7ech bas tethakeray ena eldenya kelha hathy ma teswa ou kel shay raye7 ou mabagy ela wajha sub7anah
I nodded: enshallah
They left my room ..
And I took my mobile immediately ..
Pressed his name and called him ..
I was screaming from inside STOP IT SARAH KHALAAAAS!!!
I closed the line, deleted his number and threw my mobile away ..
I took my clothes off and went to the bathroom ..
I laid inside the bathtub and let the water pouring on my body ..
I wish it could remove the pain ..
Bs ana wathqa ena el ayyam ehya elly betsheel kel elham weltheega ely feeny ..
Ana wathqa ena allah mara7 ekhalleeny ..
Yousif was a page in my past and I folded it ..
Now everything about Yousif is over ..
I have to move on ..
Six months later ..
I still didn’t get Yousif ..
The man of my dreams still doesn’t belong to me ..
You would think that I moved on? No, I never did and never will ..
I started loving him less? Not in million years ..
But, I’m still happy ..
Mestansa la’any tarakt yousif 3ashan rabby ou allah mara7 yakhthelny ou be3awethny ely a7san menna ..
*I went out, entered my car and drove away ..
Until I found myself driving in Alwafra lane ..
My heart was beating so fast ..
I couldn’t breath well ..
Kent maqmouut ..
Kalamech qematny ou athar feeny ..
Kent dayes 200 ..
Until a car accident caught my attention ..
I stopped on the side immediately and went out of the car ..
Me: sh9aayer ya jema3a taboun musa3ada?
….: flaan yalfeth anfasa ed3oullaa
Flan: mabe amouut ..  mabeee .. ma kent a9allyy .. ya rab .. 3a6ni fer9a .. 10 degayeg atoub feha .. abe .. a9ally
….: la 7awla wala quwata ella bellah
….: ena lellah wa ena elayhe raje3oun
….: gha6ouh
My legs were shaking ..
Elmashhad elly shefta zad qamtety qamta ..
I ran to my car ..
Then I went back to them ..
I didn’t know where to go ..
I didn’t know what to do ..
Me: mat?
……: eeh
I went back to my car crying ..
I was scared ..
I was trembling from the horrific scenery I saw ..
Until I found myself calling Reem automatically ..
Bs she didn’t help me ..*
I was quiet ..
Yousif: I need your help
Me: what help!
Yousif: sarah I need to know more about Islam
I smiled: with pleasure!
Kalama rad ley elrouuu7 ..
Yousif: lazem ashoufech
Me: bs .. bs e7na khala9 ..
Yousif interrupted me: abeech tfeedeeny eb ma3loumat ou bas, a9lan ana hawant 3anech!
That was shocking ..
My eyes started to tear ..
Me: bhalsehoula? Hatha enta ma taghayyart galbek 9akhar!
Yousif: la7tha la7tha mu hatha ely tabeena? Mu yeeteeny b3ez 7ubna ou geltely mabeek? Al7een 6ala3t ana elghal6an?
I chocked in my tears: la mu ghal6an!
Yousif: enzain meta ashoufech? Ana ou Reem benrou7 Java elsabt elyay teyyen?
Me: MABE ASHOUFEK!!! Rouuu7 lajnat elta3reef bel Islam efahmounek!
Yousif: sarah chethy tsaween belly me7tajech? Ma hagait’ha menech!
Me: bye yousif!!
I closed the line ..
OMG!!! 6 months ou ana a3any ou el7abeeb 3ayesh 7ayataaa! Ou youm ena dag dag ma9la7aa!!!
How could he forget our love easily!!!
7abaitek ou thee ghal6a 7asafat 7ubi ou e7sasy ou 3umri ma tekhayaltek tekoun agsa men elgasy
And all of a sudden an idea glowed in my mind ..
I smiled half smile and stared on my closet ..
On Saturday evening ..
I wore that stunning dress with those sexy heels ..
I called Dana ..
Me: aloo
Dana: hiii
Me: badlay bser3a bamerech
Dana: wain 3aala allahh?
Me: Javaa detor
Dana: FAJAAAAAA! Btadreseeen?
Me: laa bs meshtahya arou7 bs!
Dana: yalla ok
Me: bye
I tied my wavy hair in a pony tale and went down stairs ..
Mom: ha Yuma wain ray7a?
Me: barou7 ma3a dana java café
Mom: chethyyyy trou7eeen café???
Me: laish?
Mom: hathaaa lebs steqbaaal!
Me: ma tafreg!
Mom: mamma shfeeech? Manty el aweleyyaa!
Me: kel ensan yetghayyar, a7ebech bye
I went to my car and drove to Dana’s place ..
Me: ana barra
Dana: okk
After two minutes she came holding her banana ..
She was wearing Free city pants with a white tank tying her hair in a bun ..
Me: la’ana kaify!
Dana: wai3 la t’halgeen feena hnak kela nas tadres!!!
I ignored her sentence ..
Dana: ok khanrou7 mukan san3!!!
I sighed ..
Dana: swair?
Me: hmm
Dana: entay warach shay mu khalya 9a7?
I ignored her sentence ..
Dana: reddaaaaaaaay
I was quiet ..
Faj’a maddat eed’ha ou 6aggat heren 7ail ..
Dana: SHESALFA!!!!!
I calmed down ..
Me: yousif bekoun hnak
Me: lai bacher!
I whispered: abeh!
Dana: ou tetwaqe3ain lama tsawen chethy betyebena?
Me: no
Dana: 3ayal laishh!
Me: la’anna he forgot me eb kel sehoula fa abe awareeh ena el7ayat mu wagfa 3alaih!
Dana: wathe7!
Me: we9alna
Dana: mu ana ely asharkech bhal ashya’! wala ana ely ashaj3ech 3alaiha! Ghala6! Ely tsawena ghala6!!
Me: mentay nazla?
Dana: la!
I took a deep breath ..
Me: a7san mu lazem!
And all of a sudden she grabbed my hand ..
I stared on her wonderingly ..
Dana: sarah 3ashany ge3day! Yousif ma yestahel t9eereen cheap 3ashana!
I burst into tears ..
Dana: allah be3awthech a7san menna 9adgeeny
Me: many gadra ansaah danaaa many gadraaa!
Dana: allah begadrech enshallaahh bas el9aber zain!
I swallowed my tears and drove away ..
Dana: well done sarah
I decided to be closer to Allah ..
Gemt a9ali el9alat eb wagt’ha ou kel ma athakkar yousef agra quraan 3ashan arta7 ..
El7emdellah I’m feeling better now ..
Gemt arakez eb derasty ..
Ou FINALLY, I graduated ou my gpa was 3 points ou shay which is VERY GOOD!!
El7emdellah I started to forget yousif and living my life ..
Today is Youm 3arafa so I was fasted ..
Reem called me that day ..
Me: hala reem
Reem: ahlaaan shlounech?
Me: zaina el7emdellah entay?
Reem: tamaaam walhanaaa 3alaichhh!!!
Me: ana akthaaarrr!
Reem: shrayech ne6la3 elyoum?
Me: ana 9ayma
Reem: guess what?
Me: what?
Reem: ME TOO!!!
I giggled: OHHH
Reem: khantefa6ar barraaa
Me: etha chethy ma3endi mane3
Reem: wain tabeen?
Me: kaifech ay mukan
Reem: hmmm ok abe maki burj jassem
Me: tam
Reem: 6 entay hnak
Me: ok
Reem: bye bye see you enshallah
She closed the line ..
I was so excited menzemaaaaaaan 3anhaaa ..
I guess she graduated ba3ad bas madry 3anha ..
At 5:40 I left my house to burj jassem ..
My eyes popped out ..
I felt weakness in my legs ..
Me: ma geltelly ena yousif bekoun hny
Reem: mlazzem ekoun awal fe6our 7agga weyach
Yousif: elyoum 9emt lelmarra eloula b7ayatte
Me: mabrouk
Yousif: sarah ana aslamt
I looked at him shockingly ..
I smiled that huge smile automatically ..
Yousif: allah ybarek feeech
Me: shlouuuuuuunnnnn ou laaaaaaaishhh
Yousif: 3ugb el7adeth ely shefta mukhy mu rathy ewagef men eltafkeer eb akhrety ou garait 3an el Islam ou 7asait nafsy ghabe ely kent masee7y
Me: ou ahaalek!!
Yousif: fe elbedaya 3a9ebaw bas ba3dain estaslemaw lel amr elwaqe3
Me: waaaaaaay el7emdellaaahhh!!!
Yousif: saraaah I love allaahhh 6ayyeeebb
Yousif: rathya 3alaay?
Me: kent kalbbb! Bas al7een 3ugub ma aslamt akeed rathyaa
Yousif: kalb la’any masee7y? you are so racist
Me: haha laaa khalny nasyaaa
Yousif: 3ashan getlech hawwant 3anech 9a7?
7awalt aghayer elmawthou3 ..
Me: 6elbaw ye3t!
Yousif: 7asbalech men galbe? Ana hadaitech 3ashanech 3ashan ma9la7tech 3ashan a7ebech hadaitech
Me: kent tefham ena ma9la7ty ahedek?
Yousif: 3ugub ma gelteelly ena hashay mumkin ma ydakhkech eljanna 3araft!
Reem: I have to go wella babouga menech hal kalb
We laughed hard!!
Maynouuuna reeem ..
Yousif: eee rou7ay bnakheth ra7atnaa
Reem: yal muslemeeeen
Yousif: may9eer 9a7?
Me: la may9eer, reem ge3day 3adi bougeeh he’s not mine any more
Yousif: tara wallah a7esss
Me: im telling the truth
Reem: 9ajja elbent ma chthebaaat
Yousif: hmmm well, saraah
Me: na3am
Yousif: I LOVE YOUUUU!!!
I giggled shyly ..
Yousif: will you be mine?
I turned my face to reema and whispered: alwayssssss
Yousif: 7a9al aaaihh?
Reem giggled: ya med7aaaat
Yousif: ouuulyyy
Reem: she said never
Yousif: 9ej???
Reem: la laaa galat always
Yousif: may9eer abous 9a7?
Reem giggled: la may9eeer
I couldn’t turn my face to him men el7ayaaaaa ..
Me: reeem khana6lebbb
I was really happy for him ..
Finally he chose the right way ..
He became a Muslim and that may solve many problems ..
Reem: shraaaykum nel3aaab truth or dare???
Me: enshallah mu belma63ammm
Yousif: yallah ka bu6el
Reem dawerat elbe6el ou te3amedat etkhaly yousif yes’al ou ana ajaweb ..
Yousif: e7emmmm .. bas’al
Me: go ahead
Yousif: chum marra 7abaitay?
Me: emm 1 2 3 6 emm 20? Or maybe 21 mathker
His eyes popped out: SHINUUUU?
Me: eeeh ba3ad shinu!
Yousif: ou minu 7abaitay?
Me: khaled yousif yousif yousif kella entaaa
Yousif giggled: khara3teeenyyyy! Kelha marraaa
Me: 3ayazt a7ebek ou akrehek ou a7ebek ou akrehek
Yousif: mu men galbech tekreheeny
Me shyly: eh
Reem: yallah swaira dorech tes’eleena
Me: emmm would you ever fall for dareen?
Reem: ma legaitay ela 7abebat elgalb dareeen
Me: hahaaha
Yousif: laish samaitay ba6al qe9etech Khaled?
Me: ou basameeek khaled etha mu 3ajbek ba3ad
Reem: la la khaled hathta wara salfaaa
Yousif: minu ohwaaa?
Me: my dream guy! Men wana 16 wana atkhayela ou he’s perfect ou samaita khaled
Yousif: agoul bs sammeeh yousif abraak
Me: I love him
Reem: did hayouna marry him?
Me: eeehh ou sawaw a7la 3ers bel rayaaa ou elbesat A7la gown men Elie saab ou saferaw el Maldives ahhh they are lucky
Yousif: kalam fathy
Me: me7tar?
Yousif: wallah ma7ad me7tar ghairech
Me: abaaaaih et7errrrr
Me: shtabe dag 3alaaay?
Yousif: may9eer olah?
I blushed ..
Yousif: ma yenfa3 chethyyy sarouuuuni khanshoufech
I miss my name in his voice ..
Me: may9eerrr
Yousif: e9eer
Me: mayjouz
Yousif: I won’t touch you bs netkalam men b3eed lay b3eed
Me: la yousif
Yousif: balla shlouuuun
Me: fe only one way
Yousif: ely ehya?
I was too shy to say it ..
Me: emm faker
Yousif: eee goulaaay
Me: mabe
Yousif: shbe9eeer etha geltay?
Me: gebayel hhahha
Yousif: sarouni 3ashany ta7achay
Me: takh6ebny men ahaly
Yousif: akh6ebech???
Me: ee?
Yousif: la la ma yenfa3
Me: ma yenfa3?
Yousif: sem3ay! Ana 9a7 a7ebech ou kelshay bs ma ashoufech zojat elmustaqbal
Me shocked: 3ayal?
Yousif giggled: zoujat el7ather welmustaqbal ya b3ady entaaaayyy
I laughed so hard and closed the line ..
He was calling me over and over but I was ignoring 7ARNYYY FASHALNYYY ..
Ana men mawqef elmarra el akheera 3araft enek tabee b ay 7al tez3al tabe temsak 3alay zalla 9egheera te9ed bnathretek 3anny ou ter7aal ana me7taj men galbak themeeeraa ..
 Dad: yubaaaa ga9reeeee
Me: sorry
Ga9art el laptop ..
Dad: sakreeh ba3ad a7san
Me: ok
I stopped the song ..
Dad: sarouna
Me: amer
Dad: yayelech khe6ab
My heart started to beat so fast ..
Me: minuuu?
Dad: yengalla yousif
I smiled and my eyes were tearing at the same time ..
I was in the kitchen preparing a molten cake for Yousif meshteheeeha men eedy ..
Haha men awalha yetsharra6 bs eshaweg ..
There was two boxes one of them dakhla money ou 6eeb ou bukhour ou shabka ou elthany ..
Me: etewaqe3ain shinu feeeh?
Mom: madry awal maraa 9andogain
Me: eeh ghareeba
Awal ma fachait elbox lecha7t “Elie Saab” name on a fabric bag ..
I gasped!!!
I opened the bag immediately to see an AMAZING ELIE SAAB GOWN!!!
Kan yeshbaaah el gown ely haya lbesta eb her wedding ..
Me: yuuuuummaaaaaa
Mom: ou kahu yousif 7aqaqlech 7elm el6efoula fakna allah y3afeeh
Its the day after our melcha ..
We were walking In Alhamra Tower ..
Me and Yousif ..
My one and only Yousif ..
Walking and sharing love ..
Yousif: emshay endesh hermes
Me: yalla ok
Two minutes passed ..
Me whispered: yousifff
Yousif: shfeech
Enqamaat galbeee ..
Me: shouuuuf!
Yousif: jassem?
Me: wai3 khane6la3 jad enqamaatt!
Yousif: 9aber shway!
He went closer to them and I followed him ..
Yes, Jassem got married to poor sana, or shall I say poor jassem?
Sana: abe jan6etain men hathy!
Jassem: shinu tejara? Tara mu rkhee9a!
Sana: la ya 7abeby ba36ehum hadaaaya!! eb teshtereha wella shloun?
Jassem: yalla enzain ghaira?
Sana: shaklek el9ara7a 6ambour 6een 3a6ny vistek ou tesahhal eg3ad eb café 3ala ma akhale9
Oh my god!!!!!!!
I couldn’t believe my eyes ..
Is that jassem? Musta7eeeeeel!
Jassem raised his head ..
Jassem: sarah?
Way! Yousif shaku m7acheeeh!
Sana: minu sarah yal athwal!!
Yousif: eeh sarahhh!
Jassem: te6awerat el3elaqa?
Yousif smiled: she took my heart
Me: and I took his last name
Jassem? what goes around comes around ..
Happy endings? Do exist when you believe in them ..
To live happy, Let Allah be the first and the last ..








Ps: Please comment "akher marra" ..

Saturday, November 17, 2012

Restrained Love .. Part30

This post is dedicated to Alaa Alsulaiman THANKYOU FOR THE ENDLESS SUPPORTING<3!!

My dad gave me a death stare ..
Dad: sarah shsalfetech?
I lowered my voice ..
Me: aqsed laish? Shelsebab?
Dad: baba ma yjouz! 7aram
Me: wgefat 3ala hathy?
Dad: laa ya baba mu chethyy enfakker!! Ow3y tgouleenn hal jumla mara thanyaa!
Me: mu qasdy shay bas staghferallah ma7ad kamel
Dad: ebn adam kha6a’ bs hatha shay wathe7 ou mujahara bel ma39eya ba3ad ou ma yentab menna bsehoula tenbeny 3alaih byout ou tenhedem
I sighed and left him alone ..
Me: laish ma taslem?
Yousif: 7ayatee! Ana wala mara getlech laish ma t9eren mase7eya! Nafs ma ana me7terem deyantech e7tarmy deyanty!
I was quiet just to avoid losing him ..
Maybe because I tried it? I lost him, and it was hell ..
Mabe a3eed nafs elghal6a ..
I wanna be with him always and forever no matter what!!
Yousif: Sarah ana a7ebech! La tkhalen deyanat tfaregna
Me: yousif etha enta t7ebny? Ana 3aysha eb 7ubek! Enta awal wakher 7ub b7ayatee
I felt his smile ..
Yousif: my vocabulary mafeh kalemat twayeh nafs yours bs im flattered
Me: a7ebek a7ebek a7ebek a7ebek a7ebek a7ebek ahhh kalb!!
He blew a kiss during the phone ..
Yousif: ana akthaaaaaaar
I blushed ..
Me: awhhh
Yousif: 3ad tadreen wain t7e6een el kiss?
Me shyly: yousif chubbb
Yousif: sarouni
Me: hmmm
Yousif: 7ayatee
Me: na3aam
Yousif: 3umrrii
Me: haaaaa
Yousif giggled: bacher 3endi muqabala ed3eelly
Me: pray to your Jesus
Yousif: adryy bs ham entay ed3eelly a7es da3watkum mathmouna
Me: lanna our God is real!!
Yousif in a serious tone: shqa9dech??
Me: mu qasdy shay a9lan bedoun ma twa9eeny ra7 ad3y chum yousif 3endi ana?
Yousif: wa7ed ou myanenech
Yousif: yennaay yennay our love doesn’t need a brain
Me: 9aaaaaaaj
Yousif: 9amouuun falafel
Me: byeeee 3umri bye 7abeebeee
Yousif giggled: ma3eed’ha wallaaahh
I was whispering ..
Me: I can show you the world, shining shimmering splendid tell me princess now when did you last let your heart decide .. I can open your eyes take you wonder by wonder over sideways and under on a magic carpet ride .. a whole new world ..
Until his kiss interrupted my thoughts ..
Wayhe gam ege6 alwan ..
I blushed but I was mad ..
It was a great feeling but I felt nervous ..
I know he shouldn’t kiss my cheek but I couldn’t stop him ..
He was hyper ..
Yousif: helloooo jasmine
Me shyly: sema3t?
Yousif: I reached your cheeks baby
I giggled: jasmine is fine what about you Aladdin?
Yousif: eb a7saaan 7alaaatyy
Me: a red rose?
Yousif: eee for my baby
Me: emmm
Yousif: they said the red color shows love
Me: you love her?
Yousif: more than anything
Me: ok chan 3a6ait’ha elwarda 3ayal
Yousif: 3a6ait’ha bs ga6at’ha bwayhe fa gelt 7aram dafe3 dinar khal a36eeha a7ad yestefeed menhaa .. will you accept it?
Me: fathlaa?
Yousif: laaa mu fathla look at the bright side lamma takhtheenha bchethy entay t7aftheen 3al bee’a ou tsaween recycling
I giggled: shut up youuusif
He smiled and came closer to me ..
He was sitting on the table directly in front of me ..
Yousif: I love you sarouni
He stretched his hand to give me the flower ..
I closed my eyes and sniffed its odor ..
He gently kissed my cheek ..
I opened my eyes and pushed him away from me ..
Me: yousif ga3ed tbade3 e7na eb mukan 3aaam!
Yousif: sorry bs I couldn’t resist it
Me: el7emdellah ena caribou hal 7azza fathyy
Yousif: atmanna yshaqlouny eb asra3 wagt ou atzawejech ou nakheth ra7atnaa
I froze in my thoughts ..
3ugub el loooooong lecture elly 3a6aneyaha obouy thakelyom?
Yousif: sarouni?
Me: hmm
Yousif: shfeech?
Me: mafeeny shay, shloun muqabaltek?
Yousif: I did well ou estanas menny elmudeer
I smiled: hatha el3asham feek
I wasn’t enjoying my time to the fullest with him ..
Every time I remember Allah and Al7esab ou Alakhra I feel guilty ..
Something inside me wants him so badly but in contrast there was something pulling me away from him ..
That conflict between me and myself cannot stop ..
Four months later ..
Me: 3alaik ta’kheeer
Yousif: al7een la7ad e7aacheeny 3ad
Me: naaa6e3! A9lan kella met’akher mu yedeeda
Yousif: wallah msekatny elza7ma wella ely beshoufech ma wedda yta’akhar
I smiled: 7abeeebeee, shlouuun eldawam weyaak
Yousif: wallah zaain bas karaaf
Me: elly yabe elda7 ma ygouul a7
Yousif: eee wallah elfatwa weltashree3 mu shwayya
Me: 7addaa!
Yousif: 3uqbal ma etekharejain ou ashoufech metwathfa eb a7san mukan
Me: enshaaallah
I grabbed a small Dior box from my Kelly bag ..
Me: adry mu gadrek bs 3ala gaddy
I gave him the box ..
Yousif: sh7aggaaa
Me: 3ashan tewathaaft
Yousif: ana ely lazem ayeeblech mu entaay
Me giggled: ya maaalek betyeebly kho
Yousif: a7, bs testaahlainn!!
Me: ok fech’haa
Yousif: sh7aga afech’haa?
Me: fech shouuuf ta3jebek ma ta3jebek
Yousif: akeeed bta3jebny wana mghameth a9laan
Me: fech enzaain fech
He opened the box and brought the pen out ..
Yousif: zgertttt
Me: e7lef?
Yousif: wallah sheghel 3adel!! Bs hatha bchaam al7een?
Me: malek sheghel
Yousif: laish tkalfeen 3ala 3umrech yuba!
Me: wallah mafeeha kalaafa 3asal 3ala galbee
Before 1 year I was despising the girls who date and now I’m dating ..
Eldenya dawaara ..
Ana mu rathya 3aly ga3da asawwyyh!!
I’m doing it against my will ..
Every time I meet yousif I feel guilty ..
Every time I meet him I return back home and cry my heart out ..
Every time I meet him I feel pain in my heart ..
Allah gave me all of this time to spend it usefully, to work for my second life but sadly I’m wasting it in that restrained love ..
In a moment I was feeling that I should stop ..
I have to end everything between me and yousif ..
We will never get married and I know it ..
I do everything to please people ..
But I did nothing to please God and he is the only one who used to please me ..
Allah deserves the best but I don’t have the courage to end things up because I WANT Yousif from deep down my heart ..
I didn’t leave yousif but I was praying to god daily to help me leaving him ..
Today it is ..
I can do it ..
My heart was yelling “DON’T” ..
But my head yelled louder “I CAN” ..
I wore a simple white dress, tied my hair in a bun to make it easy for him ..
I was not excited at all ..
Because its farewell ..
And I hate goodbyes ..
I used to arrive before him but this time I was late ..
Not because I wasn’t ready from outside but because I wasn’t ready from inside ..
I don’t want this to be but it has to be ..
I went to caribou ..
Headed to our table ..
My eyes started to tear the moment I saw him ..
I went further and further closer to him ..
I smiled: hi
Yousif: halaaa belzainn 3alaich ta’kheeer
My throat was drier than ever I couldn’t say anything ..
Yousif: sarouni?
Ahhh that was killing ..
His tone, his facial reaction everythingggggg!!!!!!
I took a deep breath ..
Me: yousif
Yousif: 3youni amraay!
Please don’t make it hard to me!!!!!!
Yousif: 7ayaatee ta7achaay!!!
I burst into tears ..
Me: waaaaaaay!! Youuusif I loooove youuu I love youuu 7ail wayed wayeddd but
Yousif: but what?
Me crying: but we have to .. to
Yousif: to what ya sarah?
I was breathing so fast and crying that I couldn’t say it ..
He was awaiting my words ..
 I took a deep breath ..
Me: break up
I couldn’t stop crying ..
Yousif: shinu? Sarah entay mestaw3eba ely ga3da tgoulena?
I nodded ..
Yousif: bss laaaishhh!!!! I thought you love me!!!
Yousif: 3ayal laaaishh!
Me: ana khayfaaa!!
Yousif: shetkhafeen menna? I will never let you down 9adgeeeny!! I will always stand by your side!!
Me: will you stand by my side youm elqeyama? Lamma allah y7asebny?
He froze in his place ..
Me: will that restrained love took us to eljannaaaa???
He was staring silently ..
Me: ana maddry meta ra7 amout! Yemkin al7een a6la3 menek asawi 7adeth ou amout! 7azat’ha shloun baqabel rabby!
Yousif: you are muslim sarah!
Me: even though! I am not a good muslim!! Allah did a lot for me but I did nothing in contrast
Yousif: good luck in your life